


London, New York, Paris, Quantico

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 13:45:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2549720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The void in his stomach just seemed to grow and nothing filled it.  Everyone said that it would take time; that the emptiness was normal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	London, New York, Paris, Quantico

**Author's Note:**

> No, I'm not watching season 10 but I do know they’re going to *SPOILER ALERT* break up my favorite ship so to hell with them. I will say though, it’s been years since I’ve written my original OTP and had it feel like anything other than forced. 
> 
> *THE NEXT DAY* And then Hotch totally went in another direction than I imagined when I first started writing the story. I followed behind him with a pen just trying to get it all down. These characters can make it really easy or really hard.

“I'm sure I look a hot mess.” Emily smirked as she plaited the left side of her long, black hair. “We should’ve done this by phone.”

“You look fine.” Hotch assured her.

“And you look like you're still at Quantico.”

“It’s barely seven here so…I’ll go home in an hour or so. Jessie and Sam have Jack; he's staying with them tonight.”

“I hope I'm not the one keeping you.” she said.

“How long have you known me?”

“Oh, right. You need a vacation.”

“You're certainly not the first person to point that out.” Hotch said.

“I don’t know why you guys just come here.” Emily said. “I can show you all of the awesome sites; I know Jack would just love it. There are some amazing hotels not far from me so you and Beth won't have to feel uncomfortable staying at the house. I know couples appreciate their privacy. I’ll keep Jack because I miss him and adore him to the tips of his toes.”

“Beth and I aren't together anymore.” Hotch sighed when he said it. This was the part where he wished they'd used the phone too. He’d tried to tell Emily about it about a hundred times over the past couple of months. It never seemed like the right time. She seemed happy in her world and he didn’t want to bring his darkness to it. That was the story of Hotch and Prentiss.

“Was it the job?”

“She was 110% supportive of my job 90% of the time. In the end it was the distance. I couldn’t ask her to give up being in the place she worked her whole life to be when I can't even take vacation time. Work was really busy and I wasn’t able to get to New York like either of us wanted. The longer Beth was there…she was getting a life. I started to feel like my random appearances were disruptive. If we lived in the same city I'm positive we could’ve made it work.”

“Is Jack alright?” Emily asked.

“He still wants to talk to her all the time and make sure she knows what's happening in his life.” Hotch replied. “Beth and I both agreed that we’re going to let him do that. I can't help but feel like I let him down again.”

“Should I even bother to tell you how ridiculous that is?”

“He wanted Beth to be his mom. I wanted Beth to be his mom. Jack wants a family and he deserves one. I couldn’t even put this job aside long enough to give my son something he desperately needs. What kind of selfish son of a bitch does that make me?”

“There's nothing selfish about you, Hotch, at least not where your son is concerned.” Emily said. “Jack lost his mother at four years old and I can't imagine how devastating that was, except I can because I was there. He has so many people on his side who love and support him. No, it’s not the same as having Haley there, or even Beth, but you haven’t failed him in any way. If you keep saying things like that I'm coming across the Atlantic to beat you up.”

“Rossi has been trying to set me up on dates.”

“What, oh my God,” she laughed. “Run Hotch, run as fast as you can and don’t look back.”

“My shoes are slippery so it’s difficult.” He said.

“Dave knows a lot of women and he thinks these women are your type?”

“I have a type?”

“We all have a type.”

“What's your type?” Hotch asked.

“Tragic, emotionally unavailable men who will surely break my heart but stimulate my body and mind in nearly unimaginable ways.” Emily replied. “We need to know these things about ourselves. It makes navigating life’s bumps and bruises just a little easier.”

“Oh.” He said it quietly. Hotch prayed Emily didn’t see him sweating. Clearing his throat, he wiped his brow. “Next Tuesday I'm going out with Dave’s publicist’s recently divorced sister.”

“Try not to sound so excited. God, you should see your face.”

“I can see my face,” he pointed to the laptop on his desk. “It’s right in that little box up there.”

“Did your mom ever tell you if you didn’t stop making that face it would freeze that way?”

“More times than I could count.” When he smiled, Hotch’s dimples came into view. “She had eyes in the back of her head.”

“All moms do…it’s a mom thing.”

“I want to fight Dave on this but I'm just too tired. I'm exhausted, Emily.”

“I can tell you from experience that no one wants to go out with an exhausted man. They don’t want to feel like a punishment to him. You just got out of a long term relationship; you deserve a rest.”

“I think I waited too long. I waited too long after the divorce, and then after Haley…”he took a deep breath. “We should probably change the subject. Tell me what's going on with you; don’t make it about work.”

“OK, guess what I did last weekend?” Emily asked.

“What?”

“I read a book! It was called _The Lady in the Tower: The Fall of Anne Boleyn_. I curled up on my couch Saturday night with tea and cookie butter; it was hard to stop turning the pages. Sunday morning I had bags under my eyes but it was totally worth it. I'm not sure my brunch companion thought so but I did.”

“I have bags under my eyes but it has nothing to do with something so exciting.”

“How much would I have to twist your arm to get you on a plane?” she asked. “I don’t like the look of you.”

“Tonight I'm thinking you wouldn’t have to twist my arm too much.” Hotch held back a yawn.

“Come to London.” Emily sang, waving her arms and fingers as if she were hypnotizing him. “Come to London and do nothing against the glorious backdrop of Big Ben. Seriously Hotch, Jack’s Thanksgiving vacation is coming up soon. Just get on a plane.”

“Alright.”

“Really?” her face lit up.

“I miss you.” he didn’t even try to keep the words down, another strong indicator of his exhaustion. “Jack misses you and we could both use some time away. Why the hell not?”

“We are going to have such a good time. I’ll take you guys to the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, and Piccadilly Circus. I can take Jack to the places where they filmed cool James Bond scenes. The three of us will go to Abbey Road and recreate The Beatles album like all the tourists do. 

“Ooh, do you think he’d like a tour of Scotland Yard? Of course he'd love a tour of Scotland Yard. We can take the train to Paris for a day; have brunch and visit The Louvre. Beyoncé and Jay-Z were there recently so that was a big deal.”

“Salome receiving the head of John the Baptist.” Hotch said.

“What?” Emily had been talking, waving her hands with enthusiasm as she ticked off places where they could have adventures. 

It had really been too long since she’d spent time with them. Morgan and Garcia were there for the Olympics two years before and Ashley Seaver stayed with her for a week the following fall while receiving some forensics training at University of London. The first and last time she’d seen Hotch since she left the U.S. was when JJ was kidnapped. They didn’t exactly have much time to catch up. 

There were the calls or Skypes once or twice a month. Emily always made sure she talked to Jack and sent him cool gifts like fairy godmothers do. But she missed their faces, their presence in her life. Going back to Quantico, to the BAU, was not in the cards right now. Emily had already rejected several offers to return. But when you were lucky enough to have such amazing people in your life, you held on to them as tightly as possible.

“Your favorite painting is Salome receiving the head of John the Baptist by Bernardino Luini.”

“Your mind is like a steel trap, Aaron Hotchner.”

“Jack really misses you. Every Sunday evening he just lights up when he knows you're going to call or come onto the computer. I think he craves it more since Beth and I broke up. I miss you too.”

“More so since you and Beth broke up?” Emily wouldn’t call him on the fact that it was the second time Hotch said he missed her. He was surely in a difficult place if he was being so free with his words and feelings. Not that people didn’t say I miss you all the time; so much that it almost became nothing. Aaron Hotchner wasn’t one of those people.

“What?”

“Nothing, it was a silly joke.”

“OK.”

“I miss you guys too; I miss you a lot. Are you really coming to London because it would be a mean trick to get me so excited and then flake out on me?”

“I've done that before, haven’t I?” Hotch asked. “I've flaked out on you.”

“Yes you have, but it hasn’t diminished my affection for you one bit.” Emily replied. “When you know someone really well, when you love them, you accept everything about them. That includes the warts and all. My mom and I are even talking again.”

“That’s good news, Emily. What happened?”

“She called me one morning. She called out of the blue, freaked me out that something was wrong. We just talked for about an hour. It wasn’t like any conversation we’d ever had before. There was no guilt, no anger; we hardly had awkward pauses. Starting all over again is improbable because we've just been through too much. But we’re adults and have so many shared experiences. We can have an adult relationship and see where it takes us. I want to try.”

“Of course you do.” Hotch said. 

“Hey now, no profiling.”

“My agreeing that you want to try to build a relationship with your mother is not profiling. Anyway, you’ve profiled me to a tee over the years.”

“Well one, you're easy.” She said smiling. “And two, I'm not a profiler anymore so I'm allowed.”

“Once a profiler, always a profiler.”

“I know; it’s so sad. I watch people when I'm at the grocery or having coffee. I watch other agents at the Yard and dissect their lives into little pieces. They're not Unsubs but everyone has something about them. Do you know what I mean?”

“I do.” Hotch nodded. “I should probably let you go, it’s getting late there.”

“Actually it’s already late.” Emily said. “But I’ll call you next week so we can finalize plans for you and Jack to visit. Also Hotch, tell Rossi to back off if you need him to. You might have to say it a few times for him to hear but being pushed into something you don’t really want never ends well. It wouldn’t end well for the other person either. Just give it time, OK?”

“I will. Take care Prentiss, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Give Captain Jack a million hugs and kisses for me. Tell him how much I love him.”

“Cross my heart. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Hotch disconnected the call. He sat there for a few minutes just staring at the blank screen. Sighing and closing the laptop, he went into his drawer for his personal cell phone. It wasn’t time to call Jack for bed yet but it was close. Maybe he could squeeze in another call while he waited. 

Hotch wasn’t sure of himself, he wasn’t often where interpersonal relationships were concerned. One thing he did know was that not doing it wasn’t going to help him stop feeling this way. The void in his stomach just seemed to grow and nothing filled it. Everyone said that it would take time; that the emptiness was normal. Aaron Hotchner had experienced enough emptiness to last a lifetime. 

He'd normalized those feelings once and it almost cost him his mind. So he pushed the button to turn on his phone, opened the contact list, and ran his finger across the name like a million times before. The phone rang four times…he thought he might have to leave a voicemail. Something like that killed the spontaneity he so rarely displayed. But soon he heard her voice on the other end.

“Hey.”

“Am I disturbing you?” he asked. “I know how busy you’ve been lately.”

“You want to know what I'm doing right now?” Beth asked.

“Yes.”

“I'm putting away groceries. I tried to make it feel glamorous but it’s impossible. I did get more cookie butter though so there will be comfort food while I watch sappy movies and cry. Later this week it'll probably be Philadelphia.”

“I could use a good cry.” Hotch said. Emily had talked earlier about cookie butter. Maybe he’d have to try it, as soon as he found out what it was.

“It’s very cathartic. But lately I've been rather emotional. I don’t think they made those Pet Smart commercials honoring your dog to bring people to tears.”

“I bet they did.” He said. “That’s actually a very good marketing strategy. It shows if you love your dog enough to cry at their commercials then their product is the only thing that will express that love.”

“Do you profile commercials, Aaron?”

“I try really hard not to. I fail.”

“How are you?” Beth asked. 

She’d been wanting to call him for weeks but work was so busy. Autumn behind the scenes at the Metropolitan Museum of Art was not for the faint at heart. There were nights when all Beth could do was go home, kick off her shoes, and fall face first into bed. There were Sundays where she refused to do any work. There were walks to take around the city with the camera she bought recently to release tension. 

There were Hitchcock films and _Law and Order_ on DVD until it went from being light to being dark outside. Beth read a book and a half in two months; she renewed her subscription to _National Geographic_ and planned to do more than just look at the pictures. She even picked up a guitar and was playing badly with a friend of hers in what might end up being a local bar band. Life was moving a bit faster than was the norm for her. Attempting to pump the brakes once in a while wasn’t working out as well as Beth thought it would.

“Jack wants to be Agent Phil Coulson for Halloween.” Hotch said.

“Oh my God, send me pics Aaron. I know he's going to be the most adorable S.H.I.E.L.D. agent in the room. Are they doing something in school?”

“Yes, there will be a party with games and bobbing for apples and prizes for the best costumes. At first Jack actually wanted to be Melinda May for Halloween. He had the cat suit and the wig, everything.”

“What stopped him?” Beth asked.

“He felt too self-conscious in the cat suit. Not in such a way that he felt uncomfortable being dressed like a girl but he realized how much superhero girls have to expose sometimes. And even though he doesn’t have the same parts as them, the same apprehensions came with the territory.”

“Halloween is two weeks away…please tell me you have a costume. And I'm driving down I-95 to pop you if you say you're going as an FBI Agent.”

“It would be brilliant.” Hotch managed a smile.

“It would be uninspired, Aaron. C'mon, I know you can do better than that. It’s Halloween!”

“Who are you going to be?”

“The Bride of Frankenstein.” Beth replied. “I have a perfect replica of the wig Elsa Lanchester wore in the film.”

“So you're going to a party?”

“There's a party somewhere in New York every night of the week. On Halloween it’s like a Kiss concert. Actually I'm going to an early evening shindig at The Met before bar hopping and party cruising with some friends.”

“Do you have a date for the night?” Hotch asked. 

His stomach lurched just thinking about her being out with another man. Would she kiss him first, to get the tension out of the way? Would she invite him in for a nightcap? Would she not have to go as slow as she did with Hotch? The idea of another man touching her, whispering her name; it literally made him sick.

“Honestly I was thinking about calling and asking you. I know you could use a little breather and I really miss your face. Halloween is a huge time for Jack though so it’s understandable if you have to say no. I’d invite him too but we’re going to be hitting bars and parties all over the West Side. I got so many invitations I hardly know how I'm going to get to them all.”

“It is a pretty big day for Jack. He's working with Sam on his costume and I won't even pretend that I don’t feel some kind of way about that. We’re going to be with Sam and Jessie this year…Halloween is a huge celebration in their neighborhood. There are going to be kids and adults dressed up and their neighbors down the street are doing a haunted house and party. So…”

“Maybe you could come down on Saturday.” Beth said. “I'm actually still going to be partying, even though it’s All Saints Day. Halloween falling over a weekend doesn’t happen very often so some of us want to take full advantage of it.”

“I haven’t picked out a costume.”

“You can be Butthead.”

“I'm sorry?”

“Butthead,” Beth repeated. “Like _Beavis and Butthead_ …the cartoon.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am.” She laughed some. “It’s Halloween, what better time to put on something silly and just have a good time. I'm going as Rogue from X-Men for the Saturday Halloween festivities.”

“Actually it will be All Saint’s Day.” Hotch said. “But I get what you're saying. I hardly know what Butthead looks like.”

“I’ll send a picture to your phone. Don’t Google Butthead; some of the images might send your BAU radar into overdrive.”

“Alright.” He sighed. “This is incredibly hard, Beth.”

“No, it’s going to be fine. He wears a Metallica tee shirt and shorts. Anyone could do the costume really.”

“I'm not talking about Butthead.”

“Oh.”

“I love you so much…I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too, Aaron. You know that breaking up had nothing to do with us not loving each other.”

“If you love someone, can't you make it work? Can't you move heaven and earth to make it work?” he asked.

“Your job isn’t conducive to anything working.” Beth replied. “I'm not blaming you, you do what you love. I do what I love too and it just happened to put 225 miles between us.”

“That isn’t far.”

“It is if you count the fact that nearly every week you're on a plane traveling all over the country. Can long distance relationships be done, absolutely? It’s a bit difficult when one party isn’t at a fixed point.”

Hotch had already let his job ruin his marriage, though that surely wasn’t the only factor in the demise of his relationship with Haley. He never thought he would love again. He never thought he would find someone who both understood the importance of what he did and was also separated completely from it. Then he met Beth. She was a breath of fresh air. 

She made him laugh; she brought out his adventurous side. She was sexy and smart and funny and loved his son. Their relationship wasn’t perfect but the beauty was that Hotch didn’t want it to be. He just wanted to be with her. And for a while it worked. Then it didn’t.

“I can do better.” He said.

“Aaron, I've never asked for you to give anything up. Adults tend to be set in their ways.”

“You did…you asked me to give you up. I can't.”

“It’s not healthy to keep having this conversation.” Beth said. “Maybe I was in the wrong, inviting you up here for Halloween. I'm sorry.”

“I want to see you.” Hotch said. “I always want to see you.”

“The feeling is mutual.” She sighed. “Come to New York…just come to New York.”

“I’ll be there. Nothing will stop me from being there.”

The truth was that Beth wanted him back in her life. She never wanted to break up in the first place. Aaron was supposed to be the one; she knew that from their fourth date. There had been ups and downs from the beginning but every relationship had them. Beth thought it was over when she took the job in New York. 

Aaron shook off those thoughts, made promises, and committed himself to making it work. But it was only in theory. Nothing ever came before the BAU. And maybe that was doable when she was living in DC. He could get off a plane and drive to her apartment, or even manage a whole weekend if they were lucky. 

That scenario was implausible with her living in another state. Beth couldn’t figure out why he was inflexible where that job was concerned. She also knew that waiting by the window for his infrequent returns wasn’t a healthy space for her heart and head to be in. Something had to give and she knew pretty early on that it would never be the BAU.

“I should probably go.” She said. “It’s been a long day; a hot shower and a decent meal are calling for me.”

“I understand. I want to get out of these clothes and into something comfortable.”

“OK, well I’ll see you in two weeks.” Beth said.

“Maybe we can talk before then.”

“Maybe…we’re both pretty busy and I'm sure you'll be out on the road at least twice in that time. Neither one of us needs to feel guilty if we can't make that happen. Goodnight, Aaron.”

“Goodnight.”

He didn’t want to hang up but Beth didn’t give him much choice. He probably imagined the soft click of her line going dead; cell phones didn’t make that sound. Taking a deep breath, he put the phone down on the desk. Then he stood from the chair. It was time to go home. 

There was plenty of evening left and Hotch could make the most of it. He was going to be sad and moody but needed to push that aside. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t well acquainted with those feelings. Hotch wasn’t sure if he should let himself think there might be a chance. Second chances weren’t often real and usually he managed to make the same mistakes twice. 

If they were going to get this right, he was going to have to make the sacrifices for a change. He always wanted to keep control. Having lost it so many times and knowing what that felt like, Hotch wasn’t sure he wanted to do it again. But what choice did he have if he wanted happiness? How many times had he made the wrong choice, and what did he have to show for it? 

One day this job would be gone. He couldn’t forever be the BAU Unit Chief, running around chasing monsters and demons. One day he would settle down into a more relaxed life. Hotch was determined to have the women he loved when that time came. Changes would have to be made in the present for his future to have a chance in hell.

***


End file.
